AL RAZ's WUNDERBAR: August 2013

:UNDER 18's CLUB VIDEOS:

Did you ever go to U18's club nights when you were younger? There were these nights called Capital VIP that my best friend went to when she was 14/15. I am of half Asian descent, so naturally I wasn't allowed out passed sundown, but I remember she used to come back with tales of dry-humping and a high count of boys that she had pulled that night with braces. Well, I've done some research and have found THE BEST U18 club night videos so I can understand what I missed out on. They are such a laugh.

The first thing I noticed at the Hype! U18's event is that both the females and males danced separately and they both looked delighted to be there. What looks like a a dried-ice effect is probably a thick cloud of Lynx and there were some seriously questionable girls there who looked more like 14 going on 42. Sure, this night looked lame but everyone looked safe and there don't seem to be any clear signs of M-Kat just yet. (This is the most light hearted of the 3 videos you're about to see.)

Drinking - Getting high off life with Robinson's barley double strength shots

Listening to - Jessie J & Bieber...AT THE SAME TIME! Crazzzaayyyy

If you think that was bad, it's about to get so much worse. I then clicked through to watch the U18's Young and Wavey video footage and oh sweet baby Jesus. Yung&Wavey looks more like something you'd find on PornHub, with dry humping, doggying and daggering literally everywhere. It looked like a pure sweat box in there and similar to something you'd see in perhaps in a sex ring. It was actually quite dark: it's fucked up that these kids think this is the standard at a club. They're going to be in for a shocker when they go Fabric and it's all dancing alone with gun fingers and absolutely no mating, just shattered dreams. There's no doubt that Yung&Wavey is held in a South London basement somewhere.

Drinking - Getting wavey on Redbull and rubicons, no straws.

Listening to - Vybez Cartel and Pretty Ricky

Last but never least is the best U18's night I've found, it's called Intencity, very clever. This is pure madness and similar to what I think purgatory would be like. These kids don't want One Direction, they want the hard raw baselines with dubby techno in and around their faces. Unlike the videos above, these guys don't exactly look like they're having the time of their lives, and what is supposed to be an U18's club night looks more like one of those weird dance groups you see in Korean prisons. These guys clearly go hard or they go home and play Street Fighter. Some intense shit.

Drinking - Getting fucked up on nothing boy soy milk bitch

Listening to - Scooter and underground German techno Gods

:FOR SALE: HAIR CHALK:

FOR SALE! HAIR CHALK

I have a few un-opened still sealed brand new sets of hair chalk for sale. Can be used on wet or dry hair and is blendable. This is not permanent dye and is great for a dip-dye look or any other colourful do.

It's really easy to use and doesn't harm your hair. Can be washed out after a few washes.

Please message on the form at the top of my blog if you're interested and I'll send it your way. x

:MILEY CYRUS TWERKING ON MASTERPIECES GIF:

Can't believe I'm talking about Miley Cyrus again but the girl is everywhere at the moment. Her most recent cry for attention was her performance at the VMA's which has sent the gif world crazy. I've seen many a picture of Cyrus's bum being compared to the ass of a un-plucked chicken. Don't worry, Cyrus will probably not be in the lime light for much longer so in the mean time lets just have a little laugh shall we. Here are a series of master pieces featuring Miley Cyrus twerking. Yep there it is, sorry.

Heaven is finally a place on TV

Just bought these babies, will never use them

It's rare when you have a boyfriend who doesn't like you cleaning his room for him. I clearly just haven't acquired the highest quality of folding skills and so have to sneakily fold away his socks when he's not there. Yes I said fold his socks...

:CELEBS IN THEIR DRESSING ROOMS: HENRY HARGREAVES:

When you're famous I guess it's no longer about getting a Junior Spesh at Morleys or waiting for Waitrose to mark down their best food at the end of the day. When you're famous you can order whatever the fuck you like to your dressing room even if it's illegal or banned in several countries except Poland.

Photographer Henry Hargreaves did a project entitled Band Riders which depicts the strange requests certain celebrity's have made to their dressing rooms including the likes of Britney Spears and Marilyn Manson. Above is Busta Rhymes's request of 24 pieces of chicken, condoms and Guinness beer. The ultimate baby making recipe. What would you order?

Prince - Coffee & tea, honey, lemon, sugar, cream, fresh ginger and a physician for a B-12 injection

Marilyn Manson - Gummi Bears cos he's mad sweet like that

Britney Spears – Fish and chips, McDonald’s cheeseburgers without the buns,

100 prunes and figs, a framed photo of Princess Diana.

Nine Inch Nails – 2 boxes of corn starch.

Beyonce - Baked chicken, garlic, sea salt, black pepper, and cayenne pepper, Pepsi.

Frank Sinatra – Absolute, Jack Daniel’s, Chivas Regal, Courvoisier, Beefeater gin, white wine, red wine. 24 large shrimp, candies, cough drops. (Someone was looking to get turn'd up)

Rihanna – Hard-boiled eggs, turkey bacon, turkey sausage.

:DRAKE'S NEW ALBUM ARTWORK:

This is the new artwork for Drake's Nothing Was the Same album by Kadir Nelson.

It's so tacky I love it.

Halloweens sorted then.

:FOR SALE:

Selling these babies if anyone wants them.

They're tortoiseshell round sunglasses with adjustable lens (non removable.) PM or comment underneath and I'll send them your way.x

:JOHNNY RAIN:

If The Weeknd and Frank Ocean made sex and had a baby, it would be Johnny Rain. You can't help not bringing up these two artists when comparing Rains music, but this doesn't take away any talent that the guy has himself in his own style of music. He's your new choice of music when luring girls into your room.

Did you love The Weeknd's first album House of Balloons and then get slowly but surely disappointed by the unimaginative music videos and same old sounding songs that followed? Yeah me too. Johnny Rains is consistent in his style of music, and his album Lullaby of Machine features all the mystical and alluring sounds of The Weeknds first album. His imagery is all very slick and sultry and his sounds make thugged out G's wanna cry and call up their ex's. Yep he's another one of those artists like Drake who have taught tough boys to open up their hearts via RnB. There's no shame in taking a clear inspiration from a current artist, especially if you're going to be better than them. Rain's vocals are clear and pure sounding like Frank Ocean's voice and I just clocked that both of their second names are liquid based. Coincidence? I think not.

Lullaby of Machine makes great bedroom music and high vibes sounds. His hypnotic melodies full of Oriental and Egyptian chords make you think sexy thoughts and slow motion videos. And it's just as well because he's just released his new music video to Jericho. The video is deep and reminiscent of The Weeknds one hit wonder video to The Knowing. Rain takes you into his fantasy world of Demi-Gods and olive skinned women in which I would like to live in forever. Johnny Rain has surprisingly not sprung into the UK just yet, but he's definitely one to watch, sites like Earmilk and Hypetrak are already bigging him up. If you are simply a lover of RnB then Johnny Rain can be your new favourite. Listen to Lullaby of Machine here on Soundcloud.